Tired of Contractions

I've been having consistent contractions since Thursday. I had the doctor check me this afternoon during my appointment... Still no change in my cervix. It's discouraging. Because my contractions have gone from 20 minutes, to 12 minutes to roughly 7 minutes apart... And still - it's false labor. I want them to progress to a point that they're actually being productive, or stop. It's incredibly uncomfortable!

Today was the first Non-Stress Test that Ava didn't pass. She's usually a hyper little thing in there, and I'm done in 20 minutes. But today she wasn't as active as they would have liked to have seen. I sat there for 45 minutes having contractions (I can see those on the monitors too)... They buzzed her with a little vibrating thing that makes a buzzing noise, and she ignored them - twice! So they did a quick ultrasound to make sure she was alright in there. She was fine, just being stubborn.

I am being taken out of work on Monday September 19th, and will be on short term disability until I have her. I know they aren't going to let me go full term because she was 8.1lbs at her last ultrasound on Sept 6th... By the time we have another one she should be about 9lbs. With her weight gain, there's no way they're going to let me go to my due date. I am perfectly ok with that too. I'm ready to be done now.


Yesterday we went to Andy's sisters house to have dinner for his neices birthday. I didn't say very much, and just kept to myself. I'm incredibly irritable lately because I'm so tired, and so uncomfortable and seems like what's supposed to be an exciting happy time is bringing out the worst in the people around me. And it pisses me off... Andy told me on the way home yesterday that his Mom said that he is to call her when I'm an hour away from having Ava and she said "That other grandma is not going in before me, or we are going in together." My response to this, grow up. I was mad when he told me becuase when I found I was pregnant and was maybe six weeks, she said the same thing to me, in my kitchen, at my house. I was mad then too but I kept my mouth shut.

Here's the way it is. And I've explained this to Andy - and I think he understands, and agrees. But she has a daughter of her own, who has three kids. And she's done this with all three of them. She's been there for her daughter. She's not my mom. And I understand it's her grand baby too. But the truth is, Andy is standing next to ME while I'm going through everything, while my body is being tortured. The first person in that delivery room will be MY mother. I do not care who likes or dislikes my plans. It's on the birth plan that Andy & I put together, has been for several months now. And it's not changing.

I don't like people telling me what to do and making my decisions for me. I have the type of attitude that if you try to push me, persuade me or tell me to do something because it's going to benefit you and it's only for you - I do the opposite, just because I can. These are my choices, and I don't make them for anyone but me and my baby. No one else is taken into consideration when I make a decision when it comes to Ava. It's between Andy & I - and going behind my back to him, to try to undermine me isn't going to work either. It's just going to upset me.

I may sound like I'm being a bitch about this. But, no one is going to tell me what's going to happen when Ava is born, and no one is going to tell me how to raise her, or take care of her, or tell me what I need to do when she's born, and how to handle things. There's unsolicited advice, which I take with a grain of salt. And then there's just rudeness, which I do not respond well to.