I'm annoyed. And, against my better judgement I feel the need to vent. Publicly. Until now I've kept this offline, and to myself. For several months I've tried to be mature and respect my husband's feelings. But now, I feel more like I'm defending him with this. Almost seven months ago we had a falling out with his family. They're no longer speaking to us. Personally, I'm not heart broken by this. My husband on the other hand... He says he doesn't care about the B.S. but I know it has to bother him that his mom and sister are acting like catty high school girls. I feel bad for him. I really just want to tell them to grow the "F" up. I'm the youngest one involved in this situation and (until this post) I've handled it with the most maturity.
Let me first explain what REALLY happened. It wasn't uncommon for family to be at our house after our daughter was born. We had visitors constantly. His family, my family, our friends. Before I even had Ava it was clearly laid out to my family that there will be zero smoking around Ava. Third party smoke is worse than putting the cigarette in your mouth yourself. My family listened, obeyed and respected our request.
A few Articles to read up on:
On Call: Babies and Third hand Smoke
Effects of Third Hand Smoke
I could continue to list articles I've read, but you get the point... It's bad.
Andy had to leave for work and was working in Oklahoma in November. His family came over to see Ava, some for the first time. Andy hadn't yet talked to his mom about the smoking and I wanted to do it in a way that was less confrontational because I knew his mother would turn it into an over the top dramatic production. Which it did. Ava had been incredibly fussy. I simply explained - to all three smokers, in the same conversation - that if she cries when you're holding her it's because you smell like smoke. I didn't use those exact words. In fact, I can't even remember the exact conversation at this point. It's a problem when you come into my house and my couch smells so badly of smoke for several hours after you leave, just from you sitting on it. I will not apologize for protecting my daughter. It is not my fault, nor my issue that she reacted like a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum. If your grand daughter is not important enough to you to put down the cigarette for an hour, tough. You're making the decision not to hold her. Within a half hour, there was yelling (not on my part - but in fairness to her, speaking for her is yelling) there was a temper tantrum and she had her daughter take her home Bad mouthing and calling me names the entire way home. Her daughter, her right... (See how that works?!)
The next few days after things calmed down my husband tried to smooth things over the best he could while being out of state. Phone calls were his only option. When she didn't get her way on the phone with him after calling me a "pretentious little bitch" she basically hung up and wouldn't take his phone calls. I'm the mother of his child, who was not out of line in what had happened. In no way was I targeting anyone or trying to be rude or offend anyone. I was trying to handle it in a way that would avoid this exact situation. I should have known better.
Here's another Link for you:
Definition: Pretentious - What I requested does not make me pretentious.
To make matters worse his sister told him that they felt like they had to walk on egg shells around me since I got pregnant. How many of you that have been pregnant before have had hormones controlling every emotion you feel making it more intense than what you're used to. And, as I explained to Andy there were several situations that upset me and I kept to myself to, yet again, avoid this exact type of reaction. You don't tell me the name we've chosen for my daughter is ugly then throw even worse names at me the whole time I'm around you. Or go behind my back and try to push your way into my delivery room. After a picture of my mom with Ava was seen online I was indirectly warned (which I consider a threat) that I was lucky someone was taught to take the high road... In my opinion this is contradictory. You don't announce that you're taking the high road. You just keep your mouth shut and do it.
To add insult to injury, after not speaking to their son or brother for 2 months he had to see online that they were spending time with his ex wife and her son. This hurt him. They can't get over their bullshit to see their own niece or even ask how she's doing but they can go behind his back and spend time with the woman that is the direct reason he lost his house as she left him with 4 months of their mortgage. Leaving the mortgage unpaid. They can forgive her financially destroying him but can't accept that the health of the baby is important.
I could go on and on with all the ridiculous things that have been done, like inviting Andy & Ava to christmas and being upset when Andy said Ava doesn't go anywhere with out me. Not wishing your brother a happy birthday.. There's a reason you aren't invited to our wedding, and didn't get the notice that we were moving. We're better off with out the drama and immaturity. Even being out of state it doesn't seem to end there. I'm sorry that they can't accept the fact that his previous marriage is over and he's married to me. They have made the choice to involve her in their lives, and ignore their own brother and niece/granddaughter. I'm not going to apologize for decisions that they made. I am tired of this bullshit and they are no longer going to be involved in anything that we do. Until I get an apology. My husband is in agreement with my decision as well. We were not wrong. He explained to me that they are so used to getting their way that when they don't they get pissed and act out. This situation is finished now that I have gotten this off my chest. I feel 100 times better now!
2 comments:
In what trailer park universe is it pretentious not to smoke around babies? Hehehe. Insanity. Some women can't accept that their sons grow up to be dads and husbands with new ladies to put 1st in their lives. Thank goodness Andy has his priorities straight at least. Very selfish of them to put him in that position with a new marriage and a new baby. You're lucky his doesn't have children with the ex. Doug's mom still acts like his son's mother is someone, treats me 2nd tier and completely ignores his daughter's mother (whom she's never met!). MILs are bishes. Does Andy have a stepmom? I <3 Doug's stepmom at least.
He does have a stepmom. She and his dad have been so great to us. And again, respected our no smoking rule. Because seeing Ava is more important. One thing I forgot to add was Andy was asked when I was going to stop holding the baby hostage. He said we weren't and that feelings were hurt and apologies needed to be made. She refuses to apologize to me, so she still hasn't seen Ava.
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